LGBTQ, Longwinded nothingness, Transgender(FTM)

Two years and a million changes

Almost exactly two years since my last first and up until now last post, I’ve finally got something to say. 

1. I’m not a lesbian but I’m extremely queer.

2. The world is full of idiots and I honestly don’t know how it’s lasted until now.

3. And to me most importantly I’m a male, and even though this contradicts most of my last post I’m certain of it. I’m transgender and I’m out and transitioning.

4. Which relates to 2, I live in America. And I’ve always known there are idiots but I didn’t know just how many. 
Okay the numbers or bullets whatever let’s go into detail now. I guess I’ll do it in order or just make 1 and 3 into one and 2 and 4 into one. Who cares I don’t even know if anyone will ever read this. 
At the age of 14 I came out as a lesbian and then life happened and at the age of 17 I knew something wasn’t right. I’d never felt right in my own body. I’d always wear a jacket and baggy clothes and would basically verbally murder anyone who tried to talk about my breasts. I always liked camouflage and wanted cargo shorts and to wear my baseball caps backwards (which pissed off my grandmother because she says that’s how boys wear their hats. Whatever grandma.) Growing up I always played with the other boys and girls conversations, toys and games just seemed odd to me. I had some female friends but they were all tomboys so I guess that’s why they didn’t seem as weird in my eyes? Everyone else thought we were all weird but I don’t and didn’t care. Anyway, I was 17 and in order to try and put my life in perspective I came out as agender or non-gender conforming. That lasted all of probably two months. One day I was crying and upset and it was because I knew. I knew I’m trans and my entire life had basically been a lie and nothing would ever be the same. I texted my friend Victor who was the first trans person I ever met and also how I found out about being transgender in the first place and he didn’t exactly know what to say to me and was like talk to Logan. Logan is my non-binary friend who is like super smart and somehow manages to be compassionate when though they’re constantly dealing with a ton of their own shit. They were like if you feel like you’re trans then you are. Are you gonna change your name you should pick one you like etc etc. Logan has been there for me emotionally, physically and virtually this whole time and even since before this development in my life dating back to when I first went to high school I met them within that first month (or around then we shared a class?). Anywho.. So far in my transition I’m still pretty early on. Even though I’ve known for a while now, I’ve still had to go through the process of finishing high school as a female, dealing with what seemed like it was going to be an extremely unsupportive and even hindering family and trying to live in society as my correct gender while having no money. Being trans isn’t easy, its definitely not cheap and its seriously NOT a choice. Oh BTW, did I mention I was homeless for three days because of a misunderstanding with my moms ex boyfriend. Its been a year and I’m still pissed about that because she’s never apologized. 

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