Behind that door.. Is everything I am. My secrets, my fears, my hopes and happiness and my future are all there. Behind that closed door. The door is closed because I won’t be safe when it opens.
My father is a piece of shit. Always drunk and always bringing home a different woman. Who knows how many siblings I have running around out there. I had a mom, until she left us when I was five.
BAM! My dad busts into my room and starts rummaging through my drawers for money. I don’t bother to stop him because he’ll hit me if I do. I don’t keep any money there except three dollars that I want him to find. If he doesn’t find any money I’ll get hit too. He finds the three dollars and turns to yell at me
“That’s it?! A measly three dollars! That’s all you have?? I knew you were worthless.”
He leaves slamming my drawers and the door to my room behind me. I sigh in relief because he didn’t have the thought I might have more stashed away somewhere else.
I look up at the air duct in the corner of my ceiling and think about the shoebox full of money I have saved up behind that thin grate. If he finds it I have no money to get out of here.
I climb out my window because passing him would be bad for my health. I wall grab my skateboard on my way out. I go to a my girlfriends house where her parents love me. Her name is Chelsea she’s super sweet. They all know my living situation and I have dinner there and stay over all the time. Tonight it was meatloaf and it was great. Chelsea and I watched movies until we fell asleep and then I went home in the morning to shower and change. But when I walked in the front door I found something terrible.
My father was looking at me, with the things from behind the door in a pile in front of him.
My heart jumped into my throat.
“What the fuck is this? This rainbow flag? All these men’s clothes? Clippers, a wig? No daughter of mine is gonna grow up to be a lezbo. I didn’t raise no faggot.”
Then he grabbed me by the shirt collar threw me up against the wall and started to unbutton his pants. I screamed and turned to run but he grabbed me and threw me again. My efforts got the front door open and my girlfriends dad was sitting in the driveway because he dropped me off. He showed this shocked expression and jumped out the car to come rescue me. By the time he got to the door my pants were torn, and around my ankles and I’d been penetrated. He hit my father in the head with the door knocking him out. I was in tears and bleeding. I ran to my room and packed all my shit into my duffel bag, climbed on the dresser and grabbed the shoebox out the air duct. I changed my pants and grabbed the pile of stuff from behind the door that my father had pulled out.
He must’ve been searching for money again. The cops pulled up and arrested him and my girlfriends father. But after asking a few questions they uncuffed my girlfriends father and let me leave with him. I had to do a rape kit, and it was traumatic.
When I finally got back to my girlfriends house she already knew what had happened and took me straight to the bathroom.
She helped me undress because I was in shock and ran a bath. I sat in the tub and hugged my knees for almost an hour while she patiently waited before she said
“Baby, you have to get out before the water gets too cold. Come on you’ll be okay, just remember that you’re a real man and your father was a terrible person.”
I looked up and pulled her into the tub with me. Usually she’d be upset because her clothes got wet but instead she just sat there hugging me and I hugged her.
“I love you Chelsea”
I whispered. Her face turned red because it was the first time I’d said it, and also it was the first time she’d ever seen me naked and she just realized that.
“I love you too Shawn.”
She kissed my cheek and got out the tub to leave the bathroom. Her shirt was see through from the water and I could see her bra strap across her back.
When she came back in she had some masculine clothes from my duffel bag in her hand and had also changed her clothes. I got dressed and went to her room. She looked at me and said
“You can stay here from now on. Not like you didn’t already but you can stay permanently. Mom already said she’s getting you a dresser of your own.”
I smiled and grabbed her hand to pull her over to me. I kissed her and pulled her onto the bed. She looked so cute as she blushed that I kissed her again then ran to the living room.
” SHAWN YOU ASS!” I heard her yell as I snickered and went to find my skateboard.