I hate my feelings, my wants and desires. They’re all
I shouldn’t feel that way for this person. Not even close.
The urges to act
The willpower to not.
It hurts. It hurts so much just to be myself.
It hurts even more to not.
It kills me to feel the way I feel, knowing I can never.. Act on it.. Or get it out of my head.
So much guilt and I never even did anything.
Just the fact that I want to.. Keeps me up at night in tears.
And then the good feelings.. They’re even worse.
Because when it ends
Its shattering pain.
Heartache and confusion
The years wasted the why was it wasted why did you change?
I didn’t change..
How and why.
Do such strong emotions.. Such pitiful thoughts.. Such terrible feelings
Illegal if done
How can I stop it.
So tempted to die.
But that won’t fix it
How will I know.. How can I know..
Dying won’t fix anything..
But living doesn’t help.