I’ve gotten to the point where I constantly want to kill myself. Fuck you, the person who says I’m saying this for attention.
Moving on. I dont know what I posted about last.. And I’m not going to check. (Before the attempt at a book post) because it was probably something stupid anyway. Since my last post of any kind I’ve gotten tendonitis in my left wrist which sucks. Gotten an electric skateboard, which if I hadn’t gotten it off eBay I would’ve never been able to afford honestly. I researched them for about a week straight using websites and reviews on YouTube. I got a koowheel, look it up if you want I don’t care. It used to look like this, but then I drew on it.
Now it looks like this because I drew on it
I think I should get some rubber or something to help with vibrations because the roads around where I live REALLY suck and on some streets my entire body felt like a vibrator on high. (Or so I imagine) I got a gym membership today. It was my first long ride on my board.. About 4 miles in total there and back.
As to why I want to kill myself, don’t ask because I’ll never tell because if I said it to you I’d kill myself in front of you. I haven’t done anything to be guilty about- yet. But I constantly, more and more want to.
Also about a week ago I thought I was gay and liked men, then saw this girl I like again and was like nope I definitely still like women. My friend suggested maybe it depends on the person and I guess she’s right. 99% of the population is unattractive to me and sometimes the 1% that’s attractive to me just ends up repulsing me in the end. Or disappointing me in some way in general.
Its not like I have high hopes or anything because I already know humanity has reached rock bottom. Like its to the point where you see memes with animals doing something nice, and then the caption says faith in humanity restored.
HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE. AN ANIMAL DOES SOMETHING AND YOU’RE PROUD OF HUMANS?!
literally just makes me ashamed to be part of such an idiotic species. And yes. President cheetopuff is a part of this species too. Which also makes me wish I was born a beetle or something. By biggest fear would be a bird. Not will I not open my eyes the next time I blink because this asshole got us bombed. My job is implementing too many rules. And from day 1, they haven’t paid me the way the contract I signed said I would be paid. Now they’re getting sued and I think its the funniest thing. Like what did they expect to happen? But nothing will change so.. I need a new job before I get fired from this one. Or everyone gets fired when they get shut down. And in general because it started off good I guess but I’ve only been working there a few months and its constantly bullshit. I dunno. Maybe I’ll become a daily blogger as a hobby. I also have a YouTube channel but its shit so until something happens like I figure out how to edit videos or I get monetized or something I’m not gonna advertise it here or anywhere.
My phone for two years finally decided to die. I mean its still alive.. Barely.. Its like on life support or doing that let me restart my heart cough. So I’m on my new one now.
I ALMOST FORGOT. IM USING ROGAINE TO GROW A BEARD. AND I HAVE REACHED CONSTANT STUBBLE. But surprisingly even that happiness is fleeting when I think about my life currently as a whole.